Sirius Gets An Education
by charah.tastic
Summary: Sirius makes an interesting proposition to Lily and James, only to discover that he has no idea what he's talking about. Read and Review!


**A/N: Hello! I know I haven't written in a **_**very**_ **long time. I've been way too busy with my life to even **_**think**_** of fanfiction. I was cleaning out my inbox when I found fanfiction reviews, and I knew I just had to publish something Lily and James. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: JK is more loyal to her fans xD**

xxx

'Do you guys know what you'll be doing every night a few years from now?' demanded Sirius, storming into the Head Dormitory.

James grinned, and Lily blushed a very deep crimson, pulling her skirt below her knees. 'It's really none of your business, Sirius,' she muttered.

'What? Why? I'm going to be there! I'll help you out, don't worry, Supercouple,' said Sirius with a comforting smile.

'Sirius, I don't think we'll need your help, but thanks for the offer,' replied James, a bit worried.

Lily put her head in James' elbow crook, groaning. 'Why does everything have to be awkward? I wasn't even _thinking_ about that! Why, God, why?'

Sirius sniffed innocently. 'What's so awkward about me helping you take care of your babies every night? We all know that _I'm _never gonna be a dad, so let me live vicariously. Geez, sorry for wanting to help.'

Lily and James looked at each other and then burst out in gales of laughter. Sirius looked hurt. 'What? You don't want me helping? You don't think I'm responsible enough?'

'No, no Sirius! It's not like that. But we just thought you were talking about James and me sleeping together and making babies. But know that I think about it,' Lily said as an afterthought, 'I wonder if you are responsible enough to earn that role as nanny.'

'Oh, ew! Way to ruin a moment. But why would you relate sleeping together and baby making? Those things are totally unrelated,' said Sirius passively.

James and Lily shared a dark look. James then turned to Sirius, who was flipping through Transfiguration Today for some odd reason, and placed a hand on his shoulder. 'Sirius, I can't believe I have to ask a 17 year old, nay, _you_, this question. But do you know where babies come from?'

Before Sirius could answer, the Dormitory door opened and Remus flopped in. He stopped upon hearing James' question. 'What on Earth are you guys discussing? In front of Lily, nonetheless!'

'Sh, Remus, bear witness to this,' said Lily, motioning for him to sit across her.

'Welllll,' began Sirius as though nobody interrupted him. 'When a man and a woman love each other, they hold a huge party and celebrate their love. The woman wears white for purity, and the man wears black 'cause he's most likely got a black heart and therefore going to cheat. When they settle down and have enough resources, they plant a seed in a bed. This seed grows in a tree-like manner, and when it's time, the baby comes out of its cocoon and is born. And that is where babies come from. I'm sure my mother came from a weed, though.'

Remus broke the succeeding silence. 'You may proceed with your discussion.'

'Sirius, have you never taken biology?' asked Lily. 'It's offered here as a human knowledge course. You must have taken it…'

'Why would I waste my time learning about things that I already know? Anyways, while you gits were taking biology, I was discovering male and female anatomy, I you get my drift,' snickered Sirius.

'I don't understand how someone who sleeps around as much as you doesn't know where babies really come from!' exploded James. 'I really am flabbergasted, mate.'

Lily stood up, and took Sirius by the hand. 'There's a biology class in a few minutes. Let's go, Sirius. It's time you learned about _everything_.'

xxx

An hour later, as James and Remus were finishing up their game of chess, Sirius came running through the door screaming. His face was ashen and he was trembling from head-to-toe. 'WHAT THE HELL! THAT'S DISGUSTING! HOW MESSY! HELP YOU MY ASS, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN!' With that, he hid behind a pillow on the couch and hyperventilated, swearing to never put a woman through that kind of 'bloody madness.'

Lily sighed and sat down beside James. 'He only learned about the menstrual cycle.'

**A/N: I wrote this because I was giving sixth graders 'the talk' and I remembered that up until grade 9, I thought babies came out of the belly button. I was no better than Sirius, once upon a time. I also thought I pooped my pants when I first got my period! xD**

**Review, please!**


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